Between the Lines: Acceptable Ways to Say Exactly What You Mean

if you're like me you struggle to not piss people off with your words. which is an odd combination of personality, given that i'm exceptionally good with my words generally. this is in writing, though, where i have time to ponder which words are the best words to use. when it's verbal, or it comes out of emotional change, i struggle. it's gotten worse as i've gotten older too, which is funny (or not) because my emotional regulation has gotten better. why this doesn't translate to less pissing people off, i don't know. that being said, we could all use some tools in our back pocket, to help us with these moments.

sarcastic responses rephrased 

If you're like me, sarcasm spews out of your mouth without even trying. like i get in trouble for it. my husband has taken me to marriage counseling over my never-ending sarcasm (and faces to go with it). If this is you too, the only way to combat it, is to know what phrases you use frequently, and what appropriate/polite phrases can replace them--before you need them. if it's time to use said phrase, and you haven't planned this out already, you'll be like i've been too many times, stuck with my foot in my mouth. so, let's go over some common phrases and replacement ones that'll keep you out of trouble:

1. Wow, you don't say....................that's interesting information!
2. obviously......................................mmm, i thought so too.
3. at the end of the day.................ultimately. the first phrase can be thought of as cliche and rude.

blunt honesty softened

Ditto from the first category. no, seriously, i am honest to a fault--and people don't generally like that. if you're this person, like i am, and you find someone who doesn't hate your blunt honesty, marry them! seriously, they might be your person or your best friend! i have learned that people either love or hate this personality trait. for those of us who possess this trait, however, it's not a choice. it's an ethical part of your soul. i feel like i can't lie, like i owe the world my honesty, and it makes me less of a person to fib, even if it's to save others' feelings. maybe the problem is their feelings, not my honesty! in all seriousness, though, you've got to find a different way to say these things, such as:

1. nobody likes working with you....................................you do great at_____. I think you'd be even better if______. (fill in the blanks)
2. i don't like you.................................................................we are all different, but i like different!
3. to be honest........................................................................just start with the point you want to make. starting the sentence with this sets up a negative tone. what you're going to say instantly sounds rude.
4. i hear you............................................................................i very much want to hear your remaining thoughts on this, but we'll need to reconvene later.

passive-aggressive comments rewritten

Now, passive aggressive comments are not my jam. I'm more aggressive when it's taken there. passive-aggressive comments are something that folks do when they can't/won't/don't want to outright say the truth. i've always sort of looked at passive-aggression as, ahem, for wussies. but...i think they're actually much better than being outright aggressive, especially in this day and age. everyone is considerably worried about violence in the world (as they should be), so much so that any form of blunt truth or bad tone or harsh words--are thought of to be violent in nature. so passive aggression wins, to a certain extend. let's look at some of phrases that are good ones to replace our usuals:

1. i already said.......................................as mentioned earlier. 'per my previous email is sometimes used in an attempt to avoid sounding rude, but it's clearly passive aggressive too.
2. don't you listen................................you may want to write this down.
3. please advise.........................................i'd love your input on this.

responses to drama queens

how do you respond to drama queens. there are pretty much two methods in dealing with drama queens and their needs/complaints. we can either coddle them or knock them into reality (usually with our harsh honesty, maybe softened, a bit). i suppose you could also ignore them, but many of us can't--at least in certain aspects of our lives. i certainly can't at work, i'm a leader, and i have a team. no matter the personalities involved, i've got to deal with it, lead them, instruct them, teach them, and coach them. much more than just work with them, am i right? Your work might be the same--or it might be your child's best friend's mom that's the drama queen. you can't really ignore her! so let's look at some of the phrases we can use to deal with drama queens, satisfying our need of self-worth and not appearing like the wicked witch of the east. or is it west. goodness, i don't remember.

1. calm down.....................................let's remember this will be okay.
2. get it together..............................let's remember this isn't the end all be all.
3. don't be a baby (cry).....................it makes me feel sad to see you cry, please don't.

answers to annoying questions

this category is sort of a repeat of the above--at least maybe a spinoff. in my opinion, anyway. annoying questions don't bother everyone (they don't for me, i feel like annoying is much better than rude, i can just laugh about it), but maybe they do you. maybe your instinct is to snap back with a harsh hurry-up at the one who has asked 10+ questions in today's one hour meeting. if that's you, you'll want some planned out ways to respond to the annoying questions, so that you're ready to go when they come up. let's take a look:

1. don't ask me that again, what's it been, five times?.................let's get this written down for you.

comebacks for criticism